Schooled by Simon
Simon chose the University of Pittsburgh because it had a parental Top 20 Ultimate Frisbee team. Simon, an avid Ultimate player, played on the A team all four years in high school at a high level, culminating in winning the Pennsylvania State Championship his senior year.
While Simon was researching colleges to attend, I asked him if he created a short list of colleges he was considering. He said he had, “The Top 25 in Ultiworld.” To which I replied, “ok, let me see the list.” I reviewed the list and they were all excellent schools where he could get an excellent education. So I said ok, that’s as good as any other way of creating a short list.
In the end, Simon applied to about seven schools (not all Ultiworld Top 25’s) and chose the University of Pittsburgh, a perennial top 25 men's Ultimate team. He was very excited to play Ultimate at an even higher level, as he is quite competitive.
Freshman year he didn’t make the A team. He was part of the last cut. That was quite disappointing for Simon. He went on to play with the B team and worked hard to get better in the areas that the A team leadership was looking for. Sophomore year, he again didn’t make the team. Yet again, disappointment. So much so, he considered not playing on the B team and transferring. We spoke about this and talked about the importance of dealing with setbacks and when things aren’t going your way, and I reminded him why he chose Pitt. He did play on the B team his Sophomore year.
After that season, he was thinking about not trying out for the A team and just playing on the B team. Clearly, he didn’t want to be disappointed again and he talked about wanting to be with his friends. I was thrilled he put a premium on friendships as they are very important. I also shared with him that his friends wouldn’t want to hold him back from what was so important to him, playing Ultimate at a high level.
Junior year, he did try out for the A team again, and this time he made it. The competitive Ultimate season is in the spring, so they use the fall for training, development and team selection. We flew to Florida in February of 2020 to watch the team in a spring warm-up tournament. Then, COVID hit and Ultimate was shut down along with every other college sport. Simon hasn’t played Ultimate since.
I’ve learned several key lessons from Simon and how he’s handled life and his college experiences.
First, the importance of Perseverance. It would have been easy for Simon to quit or transfer after not being chosen for the A team two years in a row. While I surely spoke with him and tried to coach him through it, I did so with a commitment to alter how he was seeing the situation, not to tell him what to do. It was his choice to make and he would have to deal with the consequences of his choices.
Second, Resilience. Simon demonstrated resilience first in how he handled the adversity with his Ultimate experiences and second how he handled navigating COVID. While 2020 college graduates mostly didn’t have graduations, their college experience was only interrupted for less than two months. 2021 college graduates on the other hand had the last 14 months of their college experiences interrupted by COVID.
The class of 2021 learned very valuable lessons about both perseverance and resilience.
Third, Acceptance. Recently a friend shared that she reached out to her therapist to try to understand why she wasn’t more negatively impacted by COVID. She lost her jobs, she had two and ended up in a toxic living situation where she was renting from a former colleague. But neither of these situations stopped her. The therapist said it's simple, you accepted the circumstances in which you’ve found yourself. I believe Simon’s acceptance of the situations he found himself in is what enabled him to persevere and be resilient in navigating his college challenges.
With acceptance comes the power to act.
Fourth, Coachability. I coached Simon in basketball for 11 years and 15 of the 18 teams he played on. During that time, I discovered that Simon was the most coachable human being I’ve encountered. I don’t say this because he’s my son, I say it because it’s true. He is very open to learning and growing from others regardless of the situation. It has, in my opinion, enabled Simon to elevate his play in both basketball and Ultimate.
The last lesson is about comfort zones. Simon was a shy kid when he was young, mostly around new people. I remember a two and three year old who used to hide behind his mothers leg when someone he didn’t know was present. As he grew up, he became less shy. When we set him up for college we bought him a sign to have in his room. It says, “Great Things Never Came From Comfort Zones.”
Simon has clearly embraced this and has continually put himself outside his comfort zones. He’s doing this right now. On May 3rd, the day after graduation he started a five month road trip around the United States by himself. Sure he invited others to join him but for whatever reason it didn’t materialize. That did not stop Simon, he chose to do it anyway.
As the trip approached and we were speaking about it and any concerns he may have. What he shared was that he felt a bit of FOMO - fear of missing out on what others were doing. I assured him that his friends had FOMO for what he was doing. He also shared that he was excited about doing it alone as it would help him learn more about himself.
Commencement, a beginning has clearly started for Simon, and I am excited for him to share what new things he learns from his journey.
Thank you Simon for the lessons you have taught and affirmed the importance of, by how you have lived your life these last years. Your mother and I are very proud of you.
The student has become the teacher.