What's In Your Heart?
In February 2023, Carol and I will have lived in our home for 30 years. We were lucky enough to find a quiet family-friendly neighborhood to raise our children. We quickly learned how terrific a place we found. The neighbors were really friendly and there were plenty of children running around. On July 4th, there was a neighborhood block party which we learned was housed in our backyard since there was a swingset on our property. We were asked permission to keep having it there and naturally, we agreed.
Today, nearly 30 years later, we still have a special neighborhood that attracts young families. I love that we have young children playing and riding their bikes up and down the street. I explicitly remember my mother teaching me how to ride a bike and the moment I got balance. As a passionate bike rider, I love watching children in our neighborhood learn to ride their bikes. And as those who really know me know, I can’t help but encourage and coach them to learn to ride a two-wheeler.
Learning how to ride a bike might be the single greatest accomplishment for a young person. First, you get, balance, a difficult concept, but once learned can never be unlearned. Then you experience a feeling of independence. On a bike, you can go much further more easily than by walking or running.
Many people my age move to 55+ communities and I may someday as well, but I love having young children around. You see, children’s hearts are on full display for us to see. It shows up in who they are in the world. Their emotions of love and hate, joy and sadness, courage and fear, and compassion and anger are frequently on full display. It’s easy for children to express what’s in their hearts.
I was fortunate enough to attend an overnight camp when I was in my teens as well as participate in a youth group. Both were affiliated with our Jewish faith, and both had song sessions as part of their program. There were song session leaders who played acoustic guitars and regardless of the lyrics being in either Hebrew or English, many of the melodies were fast-paced and high energy. I loved those song sessions but I didn’t really understand why. Only recently have I discovered that those song sessions filled my heart with joy and love. They moved and inspired me.
We sent our boys to the same overnight camp and as a lay leader, I was able to go visit camp on occasion and nothing brought me more joy than attending a song session after dinner.
Once my mother was “finished” raising her children, she started to pursue what was apparently in her heart, she started painting. She attended classes and exposed herself to different mediums, ultimately settling on watercolors. She continued to attend classes and became rather good at it. She loved painting nature, and having a home at the beach, she painted many beach scenes. I love taking pictures of nature and on several occasions, she would ask me for a photo of mine she liked, which she would then paint. She was expressing what was in her heart.
Children and seniors seem to be much more facile at connecting with what’s in their hearts. For children, it’s easy, they don’t know any better. They are simply present and we love them for that, most of the time. I hope you saw the video of a boy who rushed up to the Pope who was in the middle of a weekly audience and just stood with him. Clearly, this young boy was expressing what was in his heart as did the Pope. The exchange was…wait for it… heartwarming.
What’s in your heart?
For many adults, that’s a difficult question to answer. Unfortunately, as we grow up, we are frequently taught to control, manage, or suppress what’s in our hearts – especially when it comes to the emotions of anger, fear, and hate. Fear can be a valuable emotion when we explore its source. Too often, we parents tell our children not to feel fear. Have you ever told a child there’s nothing to be afraid of? I know I have.
If a teen’s heart is attracted to the arts, like music or painting or photography, and they want to study it in college, many parents discourage this. They likely do so because as parents we frequently think about paying the bills and believe it will be too difficult to make a living in the arts. So yet again children are taught to not listen to their hearts.
Then we go through life and as we get into our later years we seem to get back to listening to our hearts. Seniors become less concerned with “making it” and “looking good” and become more focused on what brings them joy. In their later years, many seniors create the lives they wish they had when they are young, like my mother getting into painting. It was always in her heart, she just didn’t pursue it because in her late teens and early 20s she took on responsibilities for helping her mother raise her four younger siblings and ultimately making money which went to help support her family.
Plenty of people follow their hearts. Bruce Springsteen claims playing music was his only career option, he didn’t have a plan B. He says that he would have continued to pursue music whether or not he was successful. Following his heart seems to have turned out pretty well for Bruce. He appears to be a contented man who is self-expressed and fulfilled doing what he loves. And I suspect he’s done pretty well financially.
For me, I’ve discovered that coaching was in my heart, I just wasn’t present to it. My son Simon helped me realize that I loved coaching. When he was young, he wanted me to coach his basketball team, which I did. I coached his basketball teams for 11 years, coaching 15 of the 19 teams he played on. The importance and power of leadership are also in my heart. It’s why I coach leaders and am in the process of creating a leadership program unlike any other where participants will discover and get present what’s in their hearts and learn to lead from there.
What’s in your heart?
If you don’t know or are unsure, I encourage you to sit in the quiet. Look back at your life, and look to see what brought you joy. Listen and over time, you too will discover what’s in your heart., and then follow it.